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Educators’ Exchange
by Cassandra Slayton, Frenship ATPE member
The case of Casen
The parenting experience that made me a better teacher
Many times I have heard that people can make a difference. However, my 4-year-old son Casen taught me a new twist on this adage. It is not that people can make a difference; without a doubt, people do make a difference. What matters is whether that difference is good or bad.
Unexplained behavior
In the course of two months, Casen had changed from open and affectionate to belligerent and withdrawn. He had been attending the same day care for two years. In September, after being promoted to the preschool class, this young boy, usually so well-behaved, became rebellious and out of control.
We started getting calls to help “handle” our son. My husband would leave work to discipline Casen. By December, we were getting calls at least three times a week—sometimes even three times a day.
You can imagine our embarrassment and bewilderment. Was this just a phase, or was this an indication of the life Casen would lead? What were we doing wrong? And how could we fix it?
Asking “Why?”
In a frantic search for answers, we conducted several parent-teacher conferences. We had Casen’s speech evaluated for a link between his articulation difficulties and his behavior. The test showed Casen’s speech to be normal; more important, his behavior during the testing was exemplary. Thus the question became: What is going on at preschool?
Casen interacted with peers in other structured learning environments, including Sunday school and speech classes. We asked these teachers if they had observed the disturbing behavior. Every single teacher expressed disbelief. They kept asking: “Casen? I can’t believe that is the same child.” We started to suspect that a factor in the preschool environment was causing this misbehavior.
My husband told me that he and Casen would pray for a good day and an obedient spirit every morning before they walked into preschool. Casen would even say, “I’ll be good today, Daddy,” with a huge grin. But the second Casen crossed into the classroom, his demeanor changed from grinning and curious to sullen and withdrawn. It absolutely broke our hearts.
A change for the better
After weeks of tears, prayers and much soul-searching, we decided to move Casen to a different preschool. We hoped the change of environment would result in a changed boy; we feared his misbehavior would continue. Then what would we do?
This is the point where my tears start to fall. You see, people do make a difference. I have witnessed a change in my son once again—this time for the better! It is nothing short of a miracle.
Even though the new preschool was forewarned of our problems, the staff members chose to look for the good in my son. At the end of the first week, I could hardly gather the courage to check in. As soon as the director answered the phone, she said: “Hello, Mrs. Slayton! Your son is a delightful young boy!”
How long had it been since we had heard something positive about our son? I asked how they were effecting such a change. The director said, “We just expect the best from our children, and they usually do their best to meet those expectations.”
Once again, my heart broke but for a different reason. How many times in my years of teaching had I had a “Casen” in my room? How many times had my negative experiences with a student led me to expect the student to behave badly? How often had my expectations actually caused students to act out?
Two weeks later, I checked in with Casen’s new teacher. She said: “The first week Casen was trying to figure us out, learn the routine and get used to his surroundings. But I could tell a huge difference by the second week. In my heart, I believe that Casen decided that he could trust us. That was when he began to smile and really open up.”
The same can happen in any classroom with students of any age. They must figure out if they can trust you. Rest assured: It is a fact that you will make a difference. The question is, what kind of difference will you make?
Submit your Educators’ Exchange column to comm@atpe.org.
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